Throwback

Wine Snob

I went to college just a stone’s throw from Napa Valley. At the time, I knew nothing about wine except what color it was (red, white, or pink) and how it might taste (sweet, or not-sweet).

As you can see, I was quite the connoisseur.

My university, aside from its patronage by the Mondavi family, had other close links to the wine industry, namely its viticulture and enology department.

Viticulutre = the cultivation of grapevines
Enology = the study of wines

One could major in Viticulture and Enology, with the hopes of working at a winery one day. Let’s just go ahead and assume these people forgot more about wine than I ever knew.

Well, the professors would frequently score free bottles of wine from whatever vineyard they had connections with, and professors and students alike would have dinner parties to enjoy said wine. They probably called it “research” or “homework assignments” or something like that. I got invited to one of these parties once.

These parties were not your typical college kegger, hosted late at night with loud music, flashing lights, and delivery pizza. No, they were classy affairs, held in the early evening and paired with light appetizers and grilled meats.

I knew to bring a bottle of wine to the party. I’m not an idiot. So I selected one of my favorites – a screw-cap Moscato. (Sweet wines were the only kind I liked). I was, of course, on a college student’s budget, so I think I forked out an extra $2 for this wine, bringing the grand total to something around $9.

I was way out of my league here.

I arrived at the party, deposited my wine on the counter with the other wines, and set about mingling with the handful of people I knew.

Some time later, as we were all gathered back around the counter, enjoying our appetizers of cheese and crackers, someone noticed my bottle of cheap dessert wine sitting there amongst the classy chardonnays and cabernets.

They picked it up, a look of perplexity on their face. As in, no one in their right mind would bring this uncultured atrocity to a Fancy Napa Valley Wine Party.

“Oh my god. Who brought this?”

I plastered a look of ignorance on my face hoping no one noticed my flushed cheeks. And held out my glass for a refill of whatever fancy wine they had open at the time. I had a lot to learn about viticulture.