If anyone wants to know, they do not sell alarm clocks at Macy’s. In case you are in there with a gift certificate to buy a shawl for an outfit and you don’t want to stop at another store to get a clock. You will unfortunately be forced to spend your gift certificate money on other necessary items, like shoes or a new dress, or maybe some pretty wine glasses…
A N Y W A Y. We needed a new alarm clock because, as you may recall, the old one sounded like a turbo jet about to take off at any given moment. So I bought us a new clock. I shelled out the $17 after I left Macy’s and found a store that does sell alarm clocks.
THIS CLOCK IS MAGICAL.
I mean, literally, magical. Like, you plug it in to the wall and you don’t have to set the time. It just knows.
The clock is also smarter than me. Here is how it went down.
The Husband was already sleeping, so I had to figure out how to take the clock out of the box, plug it in to the wall and set the time and alarm and stuff in the dark. I was marginally successful in removing the clock from the box and getting it plugged in. Then came the tricky part. Since I couldn’t read any of the buttons in the dark, I had to keep illuminating them with my cell phone light. I searched and searched, but I could not find the button that said “time set.” I probably turned the clock over searching it for the fabled “time set” button for fifteen minutes.
This is where I failed the 2% rule. What is the 2% Rule? you may ask. I will tell you.
The 2% Rule states: “In order to successfully manipulate an object, you must be at least 2% smarter than the object you’re trying to manipulate.”
I finally had to admit defeat. My new clock was smarter than me. With an audible sigh, I went to get the instructions manual. (Yes, it’s true. I needed to read the instructions for a $17 clock. I’ve had lunches more expensive than that clock.)
After flipping through the Spanish and French versions, I found the English instructions. They read that one just needed to set the clock to the proper time zone, and that’s it.
Wha? The clock already knows what time it is? And the clock functions within time zones? I didn’t believe it. I went back to look at the clock. Sure enough, it stared back in unblinking letters the exact time in Eastern Standard. After turning the little knob to “Mountain” I was done. I tell you, MAGICAL.
I guess it’s been like almost a decade since I’ve truly bought an alarm clock. Am I really that behind the times? Is this magical time-knowing thing pretty standard these days?
