Let’s face it, Chris and I don’t always communicate on the same wavelength. Chris thinks in very straightforward, black-and-white lines. I think in circles and tangents and lots of color and — ooo look, a butterfly. But one thing that Chris is good at is interpretation. He knows that “it’s nothing” means “I’m upset about something that you did” and that “I maybe cleaned the catlitter box” means “I thought about cleaning the catlitter box but then a good show came on TV and I got distracted.” So, when Chris asked me last year what I wanted for my birthday,…

The front door on our rental house is faulty.  It doesn’t latch, so if you forget to dead-bolt it, and it happens to be a windy day… ahem.  The next thing you know the front door is wide open. And if you happen to be upstairs when said door is opened and you don’t realize that you’ve just posted an open invite to the neighborhood…the animals see this, and they get curious.  They decide maybe they would like to explore the wild. Chris gets a call from one of the neighbors.  The dog had wandered outside the wide-open front door…

Since it’s Sunday, and since nothing really interesting has happened since The Dog almost ran away, we’ll call today a “Sunday Advice” kind of day.  As in, Stuff You Shouldn’t Eat kind of day. Oh, the college years. So much to learn, and not all of it in school. I woke up one morning hungry for breakfast.  Since I didn’t feel like getting dressed and going to the store for food, I did a quick inventory of available foods in my kitchen.  (I had just graduated college and moved to L.A.  I had no job and my cost of living had doubled. …

I bet you don’t get to work with a zebra. Okay, okay, I don’t actually work with a zebra.  But I do get to see a zebra while I’m at work.  Actually make that two zebras: Although I should really say it’s two zebras, a couple of ponies, half a dozen horses, one mule and a llama.  Oh, yeah, and a camel.  This is what happens when you live too close to Los Angeles.

The Husband and I had the following conversation. THB: So I just got caught up reading all your blogs.ME: Cool.THB: But I don’t understand what the picture of me and my brother at Disneyland has to do with anything.ME: It was to show off your twin-ness.THB: I think it was just to make fun of us.ME: Technically, it was only making fun of Frick. He was the one wearing the pink shirt.THB: Yes, and I’m sure Frick really appreciates you pointing that out.ME: Frick doesn’t read my blog.THB: I wouldn’t be so sure about that.ME: Well, I could put an…

I hate grocery shopping. If I were to make a list of chores that I dislike doing, (in order of most to least) it would be: Putting Away the Laundry Grocery Shopping Cleaning the Toilet Oh and “Picking Up Dog Poo” is probably on there somewhere. Yes, it’s true. I would rather scrub the toilet than put away the laundry. My husband’s socks, especially. Because there are so many of them and they are all white tube socks but some of them have gray letters on them and some of them have a blue Nike swoosh on them and some…

Maybe I was a little hasty about the whole TV-for-a-Couch deal being a win-win situation. You see, I neglected to take into account one thing: football season. Apparently there is a magical combination of Big TV + High Definition + Male Roommates + Football = Let’s watch football ALL THE TIME. The sound system didn’t help with the situation, either. Or, Chris has been deceiving me our whole courtship and he’s much more into football than he’s previously led me to believe. This past Sunday was the Arizona Cardinals – Green Bay Packers game. Chris is a Cardinals fan. Canuk…

So let’s recap the rundown of my favorite inanimate things in life. Chocolate Hot Showers Pizza Also, anything made with chocolate. Namely, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate cake, chocolate brownies, and… aww, hell, let’s just say anything made with sugar fits the bill just fine. The problem with chocolate is that it doesn’t quite fit in my diet. (Ya, I know, real surprise). And for some reason this past weekend I was having big-time chocolate withdrawal. So what did I do? Stalked that chocolate like TMZ on Angelina Jolie. I went to all its favorite haunts: The grocery store, the pharmacy,…

Back when Chris and I were in the market for a second car, I spent some time perusing the Craigslist ads. Chris said the criteria were “cheap” and “reliable” so I put together a list of a few cars we might like. OPTION #1: CHEVROLET CAMERO, MODEL YEAR 1991 Selling Points: It could secretly be a transforming alien robot Blue OPTION #2: DODGE NEON, MODEL YEAR 1996 Selling points: Cheap and reliable… ? OPTION #3: AUDI QUATTRO, MODEL YEAR 1996, THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT STOLEN Now, this last option didn’t quite fit the “cheap” or the “reliable” category. But…

I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It’s been about two months since I’ve worked out. And I just don’t have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words. Ellen DeGeneres Before the wedding, I worked really hard at the whole eating-right (mostly) thing and the going to the gym (mostly) thing, and I lost ten pounds. Well,…