• Marriage - RemoteDance

    A Simple Solution

    June 8, 2009 - By 

    The other evening, Chris and I were watching one of the few television shows that we both really enjoy. Chris got up during a commercial break and left the room, and just as he got up, the TV screen turned black. No sound, no picture, nothing. The television was on, but the cable wasn’t. I pulled the remote out of the couch cushion where Chris had been sitting, and mess with it for a while trying to get the TV to work. No luck. “Chris,” I say mournfully when he returns, “the cable’s not working.” He checks to make sure…

  • RemoteDance

    Twitterpaeter

    May 29, 2009 - By 

    twit·terpaeter (twĭt΄ēr·pæter) n, twitterpaeter: a person who uses the mini-blogging site Twitter etiologyv, twitterpaeted: a state of nervous excitement synonymsn, tweeter: someone who obsessively tweets; ref, tweaker When I was twelve, I came very close to buying an 8-track player. Some clever salesperson almost managed to convince me that an 8-track was a good investment… in the 90’s. It’s not that I’m technologically backwards. I do the blog thing (obviously) and the Facebook thing and the iTunes thing, etc, etc. It’s just that I’m not very good at picking out which technologies are going to be a success. For example,…

  • RemoteDance

    Chloe gives *us* a present for *her* birthday

    May 26, 2009 - By 

    My favorite local radio hosts, John Jay and Rich, do this segment on Mondays entitled, “After this weekend, I will never do ______ again.” So let’s just say that after this weekend, I will never get on the airplane without hand sanitizer again. Wednesday was the dog’s birthday. She turned 2, and in celebration of this event the husband bought her a giant steak, which he grilled and cut up into little pieces. We tried to get her to pose for a photo, but she wouldn’t tear her face away from the food dish long enough to snap the shutter.…

  • RemoteDance

    Celebrate Slippers

    May 14, 2009 - By 

    Today is Thursday, May 14th, 2009. Did you know? Today is “Let’s-everybody-wear-our-houseslippers-to-Subway-day.” I say this because, in the space of 15 minutes while ordering my sandwich, I saw – not one – but TWO people wearing slippers in the store. And no, these people did not know each other or come in to the store together. It wasn’t some sort of statement, they really were just wearing their house slippers out in public. And when I say house slippers, I don’t mean those Croc things that somehow, despite all the best efforts of the Fashion Police, managed to become acceptable…

  • RemoteDance

    Thanks for the gift…

    May 8, 2009 - By 

    To Whom It May Concern: We would like to thank you for your excellent choice in wedding gifts. The glasses will come in very handy for beverage consumption. Our Labrador retriever, Chloe, has already field-tested them, and they hold up well in rugged outdoor conditions. Not that we ever expect to throw them down on the grass and roll them around the yard, or chew on them, but if we ever did, we know that these glasses would remain both unbroken and unscratched after a long day of such activities. You see, when the mail person delivers our packages, it…

  • RemoteDance

    That old joke about light bulbs

    May 4, 2009 - By 

    Q: How many grown men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Apparently, seven, if beer is involved. It was a relaxing Saturday evening, and we were at a friend’s house for a Cinco de Mayo party. The boys were playing their favorite game, “washoes,” which is basically a cross between horseshoes and sandbags, only it involves astroturf and giant washers. The sun was setting, and the guys needed more light for their game. They turned on the outside flood lights, but quickly discovered that the crucial game-illuminating light was not working. They all clustered around the defective…

  • RemoteDance

    Thugs – 0, Marching Band – 2

    April 30, 2009 - By 

    A 17-year-old girl made the local paper for defending herself against two would-be muggers. The article states that the teenager was walking to school when – suddenly – she was grabbed from behind by two men who demanded her money. (Now, why they thought a high school girl in a middle-class neighborhood would walk around with a bunch of cash is beyond me.) So this girl, ever the quick thinker, hit the first guy with a quick strike to the nose, and kicked the second guy in the crotch. Oh, and did I mention she was in the marching band?…

  • RemoteDance

    Trick my Truck

    April 25, 2009 - By 

    A little over a year ago, my husband and I purchased a Ford F-350, King Ranch edition. It takes diesel fuel, has a leather interior, and can haul 15,000 pounds down the freeway at 80 miles an hour. It also comes with a handy catalog where I can buy (were I so inclined) pricey furniture in the form of cow hide sofas and antler chandeliers. My husband has been dreaming up ways to improve the thing since about 2 days before we even signed the purchasing paperwork. The latest project is a lift kit. For months, he has been asking…

  • RemoteDance

    The cat is on a diet

    April 25, 2009 - By 

    My cat is fat. Although, personally, I prefer to call it “extra fluffy.” Anyway, because my sweet little baby has a belly that wobbles back and forth as she runs, she has been on a diet… for a year. And she has not lost any weight. I believe this is primarily because she is lazy. It doesn’t matter if you only eat a quarter cup of food a day if all you do is sleep and lick yourself. Recently I had to take her to the vet for her annual vaccinations. We had the following conversation. Vet: You have a…