How to freak out your dental hygienist

I had a dentist appointment today, and while I won’t go so far as to say that I like going to the dentist, I will say that I don’t mind it so much.  This is largely due to the fact that I have never had a cavity and therefore never been subject to the painful and tedious side of dentistry.

Everything looked good on my checkup, but I did need some work done to the sealants on my back molars.  The original plan was to sand down the sealants and apply new sealant without anesthetic.  This plan did not last very long.

So they gave me a shot to numb my upper and lower jaw and some topical stuff that they stuck into my mouth on Q-tip looking things.  And then we waited.

Since I’ve never had Novocaine before, I asked the dental assistant lady how long it was supposed to take.

“Your mouth will feel a little tingly, and when that subsides, then it should be numb.”

“And what was that other stuff, the goo on Q-tips?  That was a topical anaesthetic?”

“Yes, that’s a topical anaesthetic.”

“It tastes kind of like air freshener.”

She looks at me funny.  “You’ve eaten air freshener before?”

“Well, no, I mean… it tastes kind of coconut-y, but nasty, you know, like you would imagine air freshener would taste.”

She is still looking at me kind of funny.

“You know, like those air fresheners that you hang in your car… at least it smells like that…”  This is not helping my case any.

“Pina Colada.”  She takes pity on me and stops my rambling.

“Yeah, that’s it.”

There were a few moments of silence.

“Is it feeling tingly now?” she asks.

“Well, yeah, my jaw and chin on this side feel kind of tingly, but not completely numb.  Kind of like after you get punched in the mouth…”

She gives me another one of those funny looks and I hastily amend, “NOT that I’ve ever been punched in the mouth.  Or anything.”

“I’m beginning to wonder about you,” she says, and although her face was still smiling she scooted her rolly-chair a little farther away.

I decided it was best not to use any more metaphors to describe the level of effectiveness of my anesthetic, and kept quiet until the dentist returned to complete my dental work.