• RemoteDance

    Doesn’t Everyone?

    January 7, 2010 - By 

    I was sitting in the office today when one of my co-workers came out of the break room. “Krista,” she asked, “are those your keys in the refrigerator?” “Yes.” There was a moment of silence while everyone in the office paused to find out exactly why my keys were in the fridge. No one suspected that I had intentionally put my keys in there. They were confused. “Do they work better when they’re cold?” someone asked. I really hadn’t been planning on elaborating, but they all seemed to expect an answer. I shrugged. “I have half a sandwich in the…

  • RemoteDance

    Things from my Childhood

    January 6, 2010 - By 

    So I have this clock. And it’s not just any clock. It’s a talking alarm clock… from the 80’s. You see, sometime in the mid-eighties my father got this alarm clock for free. That’s right, FOR FREE. It was either a promotional deal for his business or he won it in a raffle or something (hey, I was, like, seven when he told me the story.) So he gave the clock to me, his cherished and beloved daughter. It’s one of those early memories that you shouldn’t really remember, but for some reason it sticks with you throughout the years. …

  • RemoteDance

    The Best Time for Home Renovation

    January 4, 2010 - By 

    My husband has a twin brother, we call him Frick. Together, they are Frick and Frack. I have heard stories about what they were like as children.  I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say the phrase “double trouble” doesn’t even begin to describe it. Anyway, Frack’s brother Frick (he’s the one in the pink shirt… ahh hahaha) had a baby with his lady, Yvonne, on the 31st.  (Yvonne is not her real name.  I don’t think people are even named Yvonne anymore.) Frick was also in the process of completing a home renovation.  With a pregnant Yvonne.  It…

  • Family - Fun - RemoteDance

    Party Like a College Kid

    December 27, 2009 - By 

    After Christmas in Iowa, it was time for the annual (although a first for Chris and I) Ugly Christmas Sweaters and Edward 40Hands Party. Here is how you play. Find a safe venue with plenty of blankets and pillows so that no one has to drive home after the party. Invite all your friends. Make sure they know that if they participate in the game they will be staying the night. Beg, buy, or borrow an overly-festive sweater.  Purchase two 40-oz beers for yourself and any other players with whom you are supplying beverages. Ignore the strange looks from the…

  • RemoteDance

    Product Advertisement Fail

    December 25, 2009 - By 

    After spending part of the holidays with my brother and his family in Kansas, we high-tailed it for Iowa, trying to beat out an incoming blizzard. We had to leave the plane in Manhattan and rent a car, since the weather was already too poor for driving. At one point on the drive, we stopped for gas and to pick up a little lunch. See if you can figure out what is wrong with this picture: Got it yet? Here’s a hint: That’s right. For the low, low, price of just two quarters, you can get yourself an ice cream…

  • Family - RemoteDance

    In Which we are not Smarter than a Coffeepot

    December 23, 2009 - By 

    On Sunday, we flew to Manhattan (Kansas) to spend some time with my parents, brother, and his family. This is Chris’s first visit to the city where I grew up, so I have big plans to show him all the sights. We saw the mall, downtown (all 4 blocks of it) and some of the new developments (there’s now a Bed Bath and Beyond and a Best Buy). But mostly, we have been hanging out with family and relaxing. Apparently my brother’s coffee pot has “intelligent design.”  I say this not because it is a special super-fancy coffee pot with…

  • RemoteDance

    How to freak out your dental hygienist

    December 16, 2009 - By 

    I had a dentist appointment today, and while I won’t go so far as to say that I like going to the dentist, I will say that I don’t mind it so much.  This is largely due to the fact that I have never had a cavity and therefore never been subject to the painful and tedious side of dentistry. Everything looked good on my checkup, but I did need some work done to the sealants on my back molars.  The original plan was to sand down the sealants and apply new sealant without anesthetic.  This plan did not last very long.…

  • Marriage - RemoteDance

    The Marriage Test

    December 14, 2009 - By 

    There is this commercial on TV now… I think it’s for a discount department store?  It features a group of people drinking wine, eating hors d’oeuvres, laughing and chatting in their cocktail-party clothes, while candles on the table gently illuminate the fancy place settings.   And every time I see it, I think, “I WANT TO BE AT THAT PARTY!  It looks like fun and it doesn’t even involve objects that must be thrown, driven really fast, or smashed into each other.” Don’t get me wrong: redneck stuff is fun.  Well, the redneck stuff that I’ve done anyway.  Which is actually…

  • RemoteDance

    The Price of Beauty

    December 12, 2009 - By 

    Q:   What is the difference between the $40 hair spray and the $9 hair spray?A:   Whether or not you want to smell like a classy lady or a cheap hooker. When one has to be at work at 6am to stand outside in the dark/early dawn for half an hour, having wet hair is a big downside (especially in the wintertime).  And getting up earlier to allow hair-drying time?  Ugh… I believe we’ve already established how I feel about the early morning hours. So I have become a fan of the “dry shampoo.”  It’s basically really expensive baby powder in an aerosol…

  • Food - Marriage - RemoteDance

    The Sniff Test

    December 7, 2009 - By 

    Chris and I have differing opinions on when food in the refrigerator is still edible. For the most part, as long as the food item still passes the “sniff test,” I figure it is still edible. The only foods which don’t get the sniff test: bread, and meat. Bread does not get the sniff test because you can usually tell if it’s bad long before you need to smell it. It’s either hard as a rock, moldy, or (if it’s been long enough) hard and moldy. Meat does not get the sniff test because the thought of eating rotten meat…