• RemoteDance

    Valdigooey

    September 4, 2009 - By 

    When I was in college, I paid my tuition by waiting tables. One of the restaurants I worked at was a fancy steakhouse. (This was mildly ironic, since I don’t eat steak.) Anyway, as my Employee of the Month prize – they based this on the number of sales you had in a month – I won a free bottle of red wine. This wine was the 2002 J. Lohr Vineyards “Wildflower” Valdiguié. (Oh my god. I just realized that was SIX YEARS ago.) So, anyway, six years ago I took that wine to a dinner party at my cousin’s…

  • RemoteDance

    Is That a Rooster, or…?

    September 3, 2009 - By 

    Los Angeles is suffering from a crisis. No, it’s not state’s largest fire since 1897, with a smoke cloud seen all the way from Vegas to Denver (seriously). It’s not the post-Michael-Jackson music industry, the increasing prevalence of gang activity, or the dead bodies and trash floating out in to the Pacific Ocean from the Los Angeles River. Nor is it the fact that taxpayers received IOU’s, the animal shelters are overcrowded, and Renee Zellweger was in a car crash. (read: minor fender bender with no injuries. Renee spotted for the first time since accident! The headlines screamed the next…

  • RemoteDance

    The History of NASCAR

    August 25, 2009 - By 

    During a recent car trip from Phoenix to L.A., I drove while Chris took a nap in the passenger seat. Since I was in command of the vehicle, this meant I had control of the iPod. I could force Chris to listen to NPR and various other “nerdy” podcasts while he was, essentially, trapped in our moving vehicle. I think this is partly why he fell asleep, because it was either slip into unconsciousness or jump out of the car a la 007 only to land in the middle of the desert next those signs that read, “State Prison. Do…

  • RemoteDance

    Early Bird I’m Not

    August 18, 2009 - By 

    I am not a morning person. This does not come as a surprise to anyone who knows me, I’m sure. I just need a little “warm up” time, you know, like your car does on a cold day. I just want to idle a while, not having to say anything, do anything particularly difficult, listen to anything, or basically, have any human contact for the first twenty minutes or so after I wake up. Is that so much to ask? My husband persists (despite the fact that he knows better) on trying to talk to me when I first wake…

  • RemoteDance

    Not really the end of the world

    August 17, 2009 - By 

    Whenever I hear Chris say, “Honey, you are a very smart, intelligent woman… but every once in a while…” I know I probably should have thought through whatever I just said before I said it aloud. Like tonight. We were flipping through the television channels and came across that new Discovery show The Colony.  “What’s it about?” our roommate asked. “It’s a bunch of people who have to rebuild civilization after the end of the world and stuff.” We discuss the show for a few minutes more, while the lady onscreen spends a LOT of time making a punching bag out…

  • RemoteDance

    Kennel-Me-Not

    August 3, 2009 - By 

    Today was pick-the-dog-up-from-the-kennel day. As I walked in, two of the staffers were just about to leave for the day, and they were at the front chatting with the girl behind the desk about work stuff. All three all smiled and greeted me when I came in. I told them I was there to pick up Chloe, and one of the girls went back to get her while I paid. You can always tell when they’re walking out with your dog, because all the other dogs in the kennel start barking. So I can hear them coming … and then……

  • Fun - RemoteDance

    Camping Miracles

    July 10, 2009 - By 

    And now we have come to the finale of this Fourth of July Camping Adventure. Next to our campfire, left behind by the previous campers, was a giant log. Someone had obviously dragged it there, with the intentions of burning it, because there was a tie strap still twined around it. They had gone to a lot of trouble to get that giant log next to the campfire, but never ended up burning it. We had a theory. We figured they had been sitting around the campfire late at night (there was almost definitely alcohol involved) and two or more…

  • RemoteDance

    Best. Campsite. Ever.

    July 9, 2009 - By 

    Part 4 of this Adventure was foreshadowed early on in our trip. It began with the fact that thunderstorm activity in the region meant we had to drive, instead of fly. And was compounded when we arrived at the suspiciously unclaimed campsite and announced it to be the “best campsite ever.” And it was. Until the rain began. See that draw there? It’s basically channeling all the rainwater from higher elevations down through the Mogollon rim. What’s also important to note about this draw is that it runs directly through our campsite. You can probably see where I’m going with…

  • RemoteDance

    It’s So Easy, a Child Could Do It

    July 8, 2009 - By 

    Welcome to Part 3 of our Fourth of July Camping Adventure. One of my best friends has a fantastic recipe for Monkey Bread. She happened to mention in passing that she would like to make Monkey Bread during the camping trip, but was stuck on how to cook it without an oven. “Monkey bread?!” I said, “Monkey Bread?! I will *make* you an oven out of a cardboard box and some tinfoil if that’s what it takes to get monkey bread on this trip.” As it turns out, you actually can make an oven out of tinfoil and a cardboard box. I downloaded…

  • RemoteDance

    Because Matches Aren’t Good Enough

    July 7, 2009 - By 

    And so begins Part 2 of our Fourth of July Camping Adventure. Sometimes my husband surprises me. Like, when we’re getting ready to start the campfire and he brings out the blow torch. Yes really, the blow torch. We are so classy. Thus, please enjoy my pictorial essay on How to Light a Campfire With a Blow Torch. Somebody should post this on WikiHow so I can get my 15 minutes. (Well, maybe not, because it’s probably a bad idea for people to be running around our national forests with blow torches. Smoky the Bear would be crying himself to…